Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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