I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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