Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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