Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
