his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
