i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize