Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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