What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
