i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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