You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
