Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
