If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
