Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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