i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
