Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
