Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize