I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
