I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just gift wrapped bread.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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