the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
