I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
