im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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