I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
