Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
