You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
