He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
