john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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