addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
