Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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