If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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