You really coming over, don't trick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
