I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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