My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize