i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
