Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
