im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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