I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
