Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
