Apparently you make a good broom.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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