carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize