In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
