Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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