My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
