mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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