Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
