I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
