Dual....:-)
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
