My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
