Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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