I can't breathe out the right side of my face
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
