I wish my penis had an off switch
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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