Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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