i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize