He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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