Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
