It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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