The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
