You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
