Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize