I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize