I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
