I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
