Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
