R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cut my penus on the lid.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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