I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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