I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
