Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
