I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize