Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
