threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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