I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
