I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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