google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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