he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
