hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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