Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
