Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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