I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
