he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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