Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
