Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
