Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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