I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
