For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
