If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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