why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
