walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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