apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
and you fell through a lawn chair
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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