booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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