Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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