Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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