What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
