Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize