Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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