Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
