Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Buhtt sex?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
