I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize