You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
