Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize