Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
