My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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