Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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